day at the beach

ahh, the ocean...magickal and relaxing. can't ask for more then that.
too bad everyday can't be a day at the beach. sometimes i wish i could escape life, and not have a routine and not be bored and not have to worry about money, and not having enough time for friends and family. i just need to vent, i really want to be the very balanced and optimistic person i usually am. lately it has been difficult to "balance" and feel optimistic, and i am still wondering how everyone can do this? is there a certain path that will lead us? do we know and just choose not to go down it? why? why would we do that to ourselves? why not just "change our minds and change our realities"? i always felt it was obtainable to do that, so why can't i do it again? i know i have the power to change, i guess i am lacking the motivation. not sure, have to think on that one some more.....
i do feel rejuvinated to a certain degree, but when i come home and the feeling only stays for a few hours, it feels almost more overwhelming. have i lost who i am, completely? or am i just becoming more of a human and less of dreamer?
my grandma spoke to me in my dreams last night, telling me about the importance of being happy, inspite of myself and my material problems. she is so right. i am truly blessed with a wonderful family, great friends, and a man i am very much in love with. so why do i feel like that isn't enough? why do i feel bored? why does financial problems make it so hard to see all the blessings one does have? more then half of me knows every single answer, but today, for some reason i don't feel, the inner peace of it. tomarrow will be a new day, and i will feel stronger and more balanced, and more at peace. inspite of myself and my financial issues.
did my time at the beach turn cloudy already? how did i let that happen? it is not me, and soon i will overcome the pessimism that has been hovering around me lately........tomarrow, a new day.

First post. Testing.